With the birth of my child, I put the camera down for a bit and stepped away. I figured it was time to focus on something more important as my short run at being a photographer had been very slow and no where close to what I wanted out of it. I typically see things in myself when I “work” and that is what had kept me pushing the shutter this long. Many people I hold near and dear have told me that I am negative and cannot say I saw it. I stared to see it more today as I drove through the recently tornado ravaged community of Reading Ks and started to look down on those sightseers that now littered the community. I could not believe people would take time out of their day to bare witness to the pain and displacement of others. Then I realized “What the heck was I doing” I was just the same as those who I had looked down on. Those anonymous faces tucked behind the steering wheels of their cars that had come to gawk only to drive off with out really understanding what it must have been like that night. I parked my car and grabbed a Diana F+, which is one of the simplest cameras I carry in my bag. I needed to see this through a lens, I did not want to think about focal lengths or shutter speeds (this particular camera allows for the use of only one standardized setting) I wanted to just be there. I walked block after block taking in everything this distraught town had to offer. I saw shoes, playing cards, chairs, knick-knacks, and other household belonging strewn throughout what I can only assume used to be alleyways. I could only imaging what this people must me going through. I was quickly reminded of when my family lost our home in 1998 to fire and sifting through the rubble trying to piece our lives back together. I knew these families were doing the same. My mind instantly shifted to my son and hoped he would never have to deal with something as traumatic as that tornado or the fire my family had. Feeling it was time for me to step away and return to the comforts of my home and my life outside of this moment I returned to my car pondered my feelings towards people like me who were fortunate enough to only visit this poor community. I realized it was a great metaphor for my life thus far as a photographer. All this time I had been a spectator trying to feel what those in front of me were feeling but I was only as good as those who where around me. Now is the time I need to step up and step out of my comfort zone and “put up, or shut up,” I am a photographer, hear my shutter fire!
